mobile menu

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do you paint?

If I don't paint, I get depressed. If I do paint, I get to make other people depressed. Much better.

Why do you only paint men's faces?

I have no idea. My greatest fear is that one day I will wake up and discover that I can only paint Golden Retriever puppies. I have nightmares over that.

What are your paintings trying to say?

If I ever catch any of my paintings saying anything, I will turn it into a still life. That'll shut it up!

Why do you focus on some of the faces so tightly?

I don't mean to, but the models kept moving toward me.

Do you ever paint a landscape?

No. I am an environmentalist. I believe that landscapes should remain in their natural state.

Why won't you disclose your home address?

Everyone knows that art becomes more valuable after the artist is dead. You buy one of my paintings and you've got a motive to bump me off. I'm not young, you should just be patient.

Is there any socially redeeming merit in buying one of your paintings?

You bet there is! Homeless paintings generally do not cope well on their own—and often have no choice but to join criminal gangs of feral paintings. No wonder so many artist colonies are unsafe at night.

In your "Painter's Statement" you say you are an exponent of the Vilde Chaya School of Digestive Expressionism. Did you ever consider any other artistic movement?

Yes. I briefly joined the False Impressionists.

What happened to that?

I couldn't trust them.

Why does a toy cow come with each of your paintings?

It is my protest against frivolity. If artists don't take themselves too seriously, who will?